Decompression Time
As I began writing this post, it became clear that there are 2 types of decompression related to home schooling and each merits its own post. For those of you who are bringing a child out of a public or private school to learn at home, this post is especially for you 
. Tip #3, Dealing with Stress, is for everyone. So what does decompression have to with homeschooling? Miriam Webster defines decompress as:
1: to release from pressure or compression
2: to undergo release from pressure; especially : relax <need a week off to decompress>
Let me begin by briefly sharing our experience. My granddaughter began her home education in the spring of 7th grade. We had noticed changes in her, that concerned us, but chalked it up to, “She’s a teenager. This is to be expected.”.
We didn’t consider that the changes could be related to the pressure she was under until she came home to learn. Thankfully, several homeschooling moms told me to give her time to decompress. Gratefully, I listened.
Once home, we slowly began to see our ‘old’ granddaughter reemerging. The change didn’t take place overnight, but at times we could almost visibly see the tension and weight lift off of her. She began to smile and laugh again. She began to enjoy spending time with her family again. Even her physical health improved. And most amazing, she enjoyed her brother’s company again . It was good, so good to have her back.
It was, however, a full year – March to March – before we began to see her desire to learn and take initiative begin to return. A full year!
All of us have been created differently and therefore react differently to situations. This is true of our kids and each one who is coming home out of an institutional setting, will react differently. My grandson, who also chose to come home during 7th grade, didn’t need nearly as much time, but he did need time. I would venture to say, that most children will need some time to decompress, time to release the pent-up pressure. I believe that the older they are, the greater the need will be to decompress and the longer it may take.
Needing time to decompress makes sense when you consider the effects of prolonged and unrelenting stress and pressure. While in school, kids face peer pressure, pressure to perform well academically, pressure to juggle homework, projects, extracurricular activities, and the list goes on. In middle school or high school, some of these pressures intensify as teachers give assignments unaware of other assignments given in other classes and, certainly, peer pressures become more serious.
Prolonged stress takes its toll and being young is no exception. Because of school demands, experts (NIH, National Sleep Foundation) are recognizing that one of the effect teens are experiencing is sleep deprivation which can lead to:
- Mood changes
- Depression
- Difficulty Focusing & responding quickly (dangerous combo when behind the wheel!)
- Increased risk for developing:
- Obesity
- Diabetes
- Cardiovascular disease
- Infections
So, how do you help them once they are home? In a word – time.
Give them time. Time to rest, time to sleep, time to “just be”, without demands or expectations. Time to recover and renew. Time. It is not a matter of laziness, it is an issue of the body, mind, spirit and emotions needing time to heal from the detrimental effects of the prolonged stress they have experienced.
Give them your time. Do things together, just for the fun of it. Go for walks, watch a movie, cook, visit museums, talk, listen, and pray. Don’t dismiss this time as non-educational. Life will become an important part of your home education experience and during this time of decompression you will both be learning some of life’s most important lessons.
You will know when they are ready to begin again.
Next time: Tip #3, Dealing with Stress
Sue
October 28th, 2007 20:51
I agree. I watched this phenomena with my two [middle school] children when I brought them home in 6th grade! It was as tho we went through a total re-wiring of thier mental state [not to mention mine!]. We are so glad we did . . .as you said: So glad to have them back!!
October 29th, 2007 05:55
Angi,
Thanks for commenting! It really is an amazing thing to observe!
Also, I’m glad you mentioned the “re-wiring” of the mom’s s mental state. It was a huge adjustment for me, too. Not only because of the change in my life due to their now being home, but also in the way I looked at doing “school”! But worth every bit of it!
January 26th, 2009 12:26
[...] as I wrote in an earlier post, she also desperately needed time – a full year to be exact – to decompress from the stresses she brought home with her. Once she was ready, she went from a struggling student [...]
February 5th, 2009 19:26
We’ve been homeschooling (on-line charter school) for half a year now with our oldest son. I realize that the schooling we’ve been doing has just been a matter of doing public school at home and reducing the class size to 1. I would like to read more about unschooling, which I do realize is the real way school happens best, and more about decompression. Do you have a book you would recommend? Oh, yes, we’re bringing our 3rd grader out of public school to homeschool him since we’ve just moved in December. He’s been “decompressing” with bits of handwriting and math facts thrown in since late December. My 5th grade son has been home since September, but as I said we have been part of an online public charter school, requiring 6 or more hours a day of book work to get through the lessons. We’re switching him over to traditional homeschool next week after my math curriculum arrives. We’ve had no end of contention and struggle with my older son since soon after we brought him home. I’m thinking he needs some decompression time? But, he also has a reading disability that we’ve been working with for years now, and I wonder if we’ll lose ground by letting go of the books? Could you please give me some advice? I’m really trying to find where God wants us to be in all of this, though I follow His leading very poorly, usually having to be herded in the right direction! Thanks for any words you can give.
Hanna’s last blog post..Homeschooling – we’re at it again!
February 6th, 2009 09:53
Hi Hanna!
Thank you for taking the time to comment and share the concerns of your heart! Yes, in my opinion, your oldest probably does need some time to decompress from the stresses & demands of school, esp. since he went from the brick & mortar school to public school at home. A couple of quick thoughts, because I need to run, but your questions are sooo important that I want to respond. (Plan to do a couple of posts in the near future, addressing some of the issues you raise.)
Re: his reading, my first thought was, “Who decided he had a reading disability?” I’m not saying he doesn’t, but if it was the school who made that decision, well, I think the schools are too quick to label kids. Inherently, the public education system can only apply so many strategies to reach so many kids. The ones who have different learning styles, just don’t learn well. It’s the old adage of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole – just can’t do it & oftentimes the result is that the student becomes frustrated and disheartened thinking something is wrong with them, when in actuality, it’s the school.
One of the biggest advantages to homeschooling is being able to adapt to your child’s needs and interests. If something doesn’t work, you try something else. To think that every child should be doing “such & such” by a certain age, is silly. We are all different & to assume that every child will be ready to learn whatever by a certain age, is one of the biggest flaws with institutionalized schooling – not to mention the indoctrination our public schools are doing – but that’s another subject for another time
Some kids just aren’t ready for reading when the schools say they are. This is especially true of boys – many aren’t ready until 10, 11 or even 12 years old. In the case of my grandson, I think the constant pressure to read, especially when he really hated what he was required to read, damaged, if not totally extinguished, his desire to read. So do I think your son will lose ground if you “lose” the books for awhile? Absolutely not! I think it might be the best thing for him.
My advice, based on my experience, would be to relax for the remainder of the school year. Take time to pray for God’s leading, do some learning of your own re: learning styles, different homeschool philosophies and other ways to provide learning opportunities besides using curriculum. The biggest thing that helped me was to answer the question”When all is said & done, what is it that will make me look back & consider our efforts a success?” Once you know the answer to that, you can work backwards to determine how God would have you get there.
Boys are very hands-on. Find out his interests, if you don’t know them already and let him have fun exploring those. Don’t try to force it on him, just make them available. One book that immediately came to mind to “carry you through the year” and help you “think outside the school box” is Mary Griffith’s, The Unschooling Handbook. You can find a link to it here , or possibly your library has a copy. I got it from the library (had to request it from another library) and when I went to pick it up, the librarian said “This book is fantastic! We all read it – what great ideas!”
Lastly – I could & want to say so much more
– take your time, don’t jump into anything. God is in no hurry and He’s not rushing you. Use this time to build and strengthen your relationship with your kids. Ask God to show you the teachable moments real life offers. During this “back-off” period, I would strongly encourage you to be teaching your kids about God. Maybe the Bible is the only curriculum you use during this time. Play games – they’re a great way to learn. Do field trips. When weather permits, explore nature: go for walks, hikes, bike rides, picnics. Use this time to really look into all the options you have – much of the learning that takes place will look nothing like ” traditional school.”
I do need to run. Hope this little bit helps. (And I hope it makes sense!) Be encouraged, Hanna, you are on the right path & I applaud you for what you are doing. Without realizing it, I think you are already allowing God to lead! You might find this previous post, Pray & Learn helpful.
Blessings, Hanna – you’re doing fine!!!